Friendship; whenever you get the word ‘friend’, what comes first to your mind? Is it Loyalty, love, sacrifice, fun and all other virtues history, movies, books, dictionaries have associated friendship with?
Can there really be true and
platonic friendship between a boy and a girl even at the level of the mind?
Do you think of it as
something you could share with the opposite sex? OR is it impossible?
Have you ever dared the
devil? – do you have an ‘opposite sex’ friend? Can you spend a night(s) with
him/her in a room, on a bed without doing or thinking of doing anything silly?
Can there really be true and
platonic friendship between a boy and a girl even at the level of the mind?
Having a platonic relationship with the opposite sex seems
almost impossible nowadays. Most ‘friendliness’ which exist between boys and
girls nowadays result from an earlier attempt by the boy to either date or
involve in some sexual relationship with the girl and this causes some kind of
occasional tension within the so called ‘friendship’. From my personal
observations, a boy will wait for the slightest opportunity to lay with a girl
he calls his friend. He may maintain a friendly relationship with a girl as
long as that is the closest means he thinks could ride her to his bed (‘some
day she would be hurt by somebody-maybe her boyfriend, and will need my
comfort, and I will just be the best man ever. Who knows where it might lead us
to?’). This, because most men have concluded women are emotionally weak and
thus a gateway to utilize them when opportunity presents itself (so why not be
a patient dog and just be a good friend-for now)?
Men have developed a ‘sex-opportunist’ mind set with
thoughts like ‘I might never get this chance again’, ‘she must really be
excited’, or ‘this will be the last time we do this’. They believe they must
take advantage of every given sexual opportunity because it might be the last
to present itself despite the fact the person is their so called friend.
Girls value a lot the ‘friendly’ and platonic aspect of
being a ‘friend’. Their thoughts never or on rare occasions exceed to erotic
ones. Despite the ‘social shield’ they seem to always ‘wear’ against boys,
girls don’t mind having a true and good ‘male friend’ to whom they could
confine their secrets, love stories etc. They will hardly have obscene thoughts
towards their male friends. While a girl expects her ‘male friend’ to be the
person she could confine her little secrets to, make her laugh when she is sad or emotionally down and thinks she will never laugh again, always ready to help each other,
cook his favorite meal at times, do assignments together, watch movies etc., most boys see things differently(‘the least
opportunity, I will have her on my bed, but first I must gain her trust’). I
bet you by the time you invite your so-called ‘male friend’ home, he should
have started wondering if there can be some chance of a kiss.
Girls find it easier discussing about their partners
(boyfriends) with their male friends than the way boys are willing to discuss
about their partners. Even on social network, one will occasionally notice girls
posting the pictures of their boyfriend, fiancé, or husband but boys can’t take
such ‘risks’ easily - why kill the chances of having more girls (well, I talk of
some boys, not you obviously).
Most boys get things all wrong. In fact even the girls.
Boys often get confused between a girl’s kind actions
towards them for attraction or demonstration of some feelings (love). Consequently
a boy may develop feelings or attractions towards the ‘female friend’. The Girl
on the contrary may not share such attraction for the ‘male friend’ and she
might blindly assume this lack of attraction is mutual.
Have you ever observed the guy who smokes? As he lights the
paper and starts smoking, he seems to enjoy every bit of it but yet he never
can smoke the stick till its very end and throws it away. That’s the same thing
which might happen if you ever ‘commit’ with your friend. You will seem to
enjoy every inch of pleasure but the end is you will never be able to finish
what you started. You will probably not end in a relationship or even as
friends anymore.
If you ever have sex with your ‘friend’ from the opposite sex, you
might do the following;
- Continue
doing the ‘friendly-sex’ each time you are in some isolated space till it
becomes too late.
- Pretend
as if nothing happened.
- Take
immediate drastic measures so it never happens again (often taken by the
female).
- Fall
in love.
- Stop
talking to each other temporarily or forever.
-
Isolation (especially on the girl’s side)
From what I’ve witnessed, no matter what, be sure it will
still happen at least one more time for most cases. If anyone is to develop
remorse after the act, it will be the girl, asking herself questions like ‘why
did I let it happen?’, ‘was this right’, ‘has he just taken advantage of me?’
while the guys almost have no questions troubling them(except for this question
– ‘when next again’).
If a consequence to the act is love coming in the
relationship, good for you both but things get messy if the feeling of love is
not mutual. Women will often suffer here because sex is much more of a symbolic
issue to them than the way it is for men. Consequently, that former friendship
is at stake. Girls often mount such situations on their minds-consequently they
feel isolated.
 |
| Girls often mount such situations on their minds-consequently they feel isolated |
I advise you never find yourself in some isolated space
again, even if you think you should meet so you sort things out. You never know
if you will resist what made you do it the first time. You might end up doing
another ‘friendly encounter’.
New research suggests that there may be some truth to this
possibility—that we may think we’re capable of being “just friends” with
members of the opposite sex, but the opportunity (or perceived opportunity) for
“romance” is often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the
most inopportune moment.
Are
you a boy reading this? If you ever think of dating a girl, or even doing that
‘thing’ with her (you understand what I mean by ‘thing’ right?), never start
with friendship. When a lady puts you in her ‘friend zone’, you will just be
getting three new possible ‘past time’ jobs; trying to make her forget you are
close friends, trying to make her see you love, or desire her sexually…or
listen to all her past, present, future romantic affairs with other guys
(certainly not you).
So
lighten up, decide before you approach.
‘Friending’ the opposite sex can be fun. You might get to share more than what you share with your ‘same sex’ friends or even…your ‘lover’.
It shouldn't be all about 'how can kissing him/her feel like' and the host of perversed questions and thoughts a boy or girl could nurse for the so-called friend. It can exist; friendship between a boy and a girl. Two people who will always be there for each other, without extra thoughts, but just filial love.
‘Friending’ the opposite sex can be fun. You might get to share more than what you share with your ‘same sex’ friends or even…your ‘lover’.
It shouldn't be all about 'how can kissing him/her feel like' and the host of perversed questions and thoughts a boy or girl could nurse for the so-called friend. It can exist; friendship between a boy and a girl. Two people who will always be there for each other, without extra thoughts, but just filial love.
All what I say on this post
does not reflect every friendly relationship between a boy and a girl or man
and woman. Some friends are really friends who will never develop such
affection for their ‘friends’ and yet, value the friendship. You could still be
aware of the affection one carries for the other, it’s just how you manage and
avoid certain situations. Despite everything, you should have a ‘God fearing’
mindset. Get the Importance of Prayers and pray to avoid temptations. (Please
read my previous post ‘Why is it
Difficult to Pray’).
